Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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