So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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