but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
