sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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