Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
