i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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