your room smells of hookers.
And success
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
