so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
