a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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