Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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