btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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