then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
