Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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