Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
