we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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