I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Plan B is the new Plan A
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
