We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
True strength comes from lack of pants
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
