my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
