Sponge bath it is.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
