in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
