did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
