He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
