My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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