my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
