Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
