Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
