so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
