If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
