I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
