When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
