We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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