kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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