I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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