It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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