Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
