areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
