I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I have demons in me.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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