both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
