he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
