bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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