Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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