You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
