2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
