we made out on top of his cat.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
