I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
