I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
