You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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