The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
