Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
