So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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