I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
