Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
3pm strippers are depressing
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
